How “Matrescence” expands our understanding of (and support for) the transition to motherhood

Perinatal Mental Health
Written By Melissa Filion
Silhouette of woman looking out at a pink and purple and blue sunset sky

We understand adolescence as a time of major change (and some wild mood swings). Adolescence represents a time for self-exploration and discovery, experimentation, and of course, plenty of missteps and learnings along the way. I think you would be hard-pressed to find someone who did not feel like a completely different person once they made it to the other side of the teenage years. 

Becoming a mother is actually not all that different. Stay with me… 

What is Matrescence?

The concept of “matrescence”, or the process of becoming a mother, aims to recognize the profound ways that becoming a mother fundamentally changes you, and every single aspect of your life along with it. 

The term was coined in the 1970s by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael to describe the “developmental rite of passage” in becoming a mother (Raphael also coined the term “doula”!). The concept of matrescence has been increasingly used in maternal psychology spaces in recent years to highlight and normalize the emotional challenges many mothers experience during this time.  

“Matrescence” offers a more holistic and strengths-based framework for understanding this critical developmental time in a person’s life, and all of the challenges and opportunities that come with it. Changes in this time represent a multi-dimensional transformation of self, including biological, neurological, psychological, social, emotional, existential, and spiritual changes (among many others - it truly changes everything). 

More and more new research is proving this out every year. In recent studies, neuroscientists have found the impact of pregnancy on the brain is as significant as the impact of adolescence. There is no other time in an adult human’s life course which entails such dramatic psychological and physical change as matrescence. 

And with this often comes big feelings of vulnerability and overwhelm. 

The Duality of Early Motherhood

Becoming a mother can feel like you are being cracked open. You don’t know what you are thinking or feeling half the time, and it can be disorienting and overwhelming. 

The postpartum experience is often one of duality - feeling both boredom from the monotony of caregiving and completely overwhelmed and overstimulated with the relentlessness of need from your baby. Joy and grief will co-exist. Connection and isolation. Wanting to run out the front door to get a moment of personal space, and not wanting to be anywhere else in the world. 

Entering motherhood brings on a reorganization of self-concept and integration of a new identity. This can feel like an internal upheaval, where your old self may feel destabilized and you do not yet feel confident in this “new you” and role. As you explore these new parts of yourself, you may simultaneously grieve the loss of previous lifestyles, personal freedoms and autonomy, relationships, and career aspirations. This can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, and our western culture does not typically allow much space for women to mourn the loss of pre-motherhood self. 

There is an oppressive narrative of “idealized” motherhood that expects mothers to experience immediate bliss and instinctive competence in their new role as mother. This narrative contributes to the shame, silence, isolation, and comparative inadequacy many new mothers feel about their struggles that are actually very normal in early motherhood.

If you stop for a minute and think about all the things that have changed and are changing as you become a mother… like, of course it feels hard. It IS hard. And trying to shame mothers for being real and open about their experiences benefits no one.

When It’s More Than the Transition

I want to validate and normalize the fact that having a hard time in the transition to motherhood is to be expected, and I also want to acknowledge that it also represents the highest risk time period in our entire lifespan for experiencing a mental health issue. According to Postpartum Support International, 1 in 5 women experience a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD), including postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, and perinatal OCD. These are common, and they are also highly treatable. 

If you are feeling underwater and totally overwhelmed, I want you to slow down and hear me when I say this: You do not need to suffer alone. You deserve to feel supported and held with care. You are absolutely good enough. And it is okay to ask for help (I see it as an incredible sign of strength). 

Therapy can help by providing support that is focused on you (while many others may be focusing on baby), and create a safe space to explore and make sense of the identity shifts, and process grief without judgment. You can increase your personal insight, strengthen your coping skills, improve self-compassion, and reduce feelings of loneliness and isolation. You can get connected to additional resources as appropriate, including lactation and sleep support, doulas, prescribers, couples counselors, and more. 

You do not need to be in crisis to be worthy of care and support. Even when the transition to motherhood goes “well” on paper, it is still hard. And we are not meant to walk through any of it alone.

Care for Yourself Means Care for Your Family

Entering the new world of mothering does not happen in a day or in a moment, but in a state of continued adjustment. We never stop learning, growing, and changing. Asking for support as you move through this season in your life is a form of care both for yourself, and for your whole family. 

If you are reading this, and you recognize some of your own experience - the duality of emotions, the intensity of caregiving, the general overwhelm, the rollercoaster of it all - please reach out. I would love to schedule a free 15-minute consultation call and see if it feels like a good fit. I work with folks via telehealth who live in the greater Seattle, WA area and anywhere in Washington state and would be honored to be a source of support for you during this time.

 

Some resources:

  • Postpartum Support International - international organization focused on perinatal support and advocacy 

  • Perinatal Support Washington - a WA state non-profit support families in the perinatal period throughout Washington state

  • Postpartum Support International Helpline: 1-800-944-4773 

  • National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (text or call 24/7)

  • Perinatal Support Washington Warm Line (Peer Support Line): 1-888-404-7763

  • People in crisis should call their local emergency number or the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988

References:

Melissa Filion